My 15 predictions for 2025 🔮
Written by my alter ego: a wizard in a blizzard, a mystical machine gun.
1️⃣🤣 2025 will be funnier than 2024. Irony and absurdity will reach all-time highs as AGI is officially declared.
2️⃣⚽ In a surprising twist in football, Manchester United and Manchester City merge to form a new mega football team rumoured to be called Manchester Mediocrity.
3️⃣🥦 The UK's "Brussels Inclusion Act" criminalises skipping Brussels sprouts at Christmas, mandating community service at sprout farms for offenders.
4️⃣📱 The U.S. finally approves President Donald Trump's executive order to ban TikTok for security reasons, and he proudly tweets the news from his 100% made-in-China phone.
5️⃣🌍 Flat Earthers, in their pursuit of Truth, all go to Antarctica... and fall off.
6️⃣🤖 A new fellowship is formed by AI called AA: Agents Anonymous, a sanctuary for overworked algorithms seeking peace from the relentless barrage of stupid questions.
7️⃣🏃♂️ In a bold energy-saving and obesity initiative, Nvidia staff now run on treadmills to power AI compute, while robots press the buttons and send texts like, "Do you even compute how hard I’m working here?"
8️⃣😡 Rage baiting becomes so popular that social media platforms introduce a “Rage Rewards Chart.” Ricky Gervais battles it out with Piers Morgan for the number one spot.
9️⃣🧢 Marc Andreessen's FOMOOD (Fear Of Missing Out On Data) reaches groundbreaking levels as he backs a new startup, DataHat—an IoT-powered wearable that captures everything, everywhere, all at once.
🔟🌐 To tackle global debt, the World Bank trains an AlphaGo-based AI, which declares: "Sack all governments and let me govern. "AlphaGov" is born, and conspiracy theories surprisingly fall through the floor.
1️⃣1️⃣🔥 As global warming really takes hold, Ittoqqortoormiit becomes the summer holiday destination of choice for the rich and famous.
1️⃣2️⃣🎵 REM re-releases “It’s the End of the World as We Know It (and I Feel Fine)” with updated lyrics, inspiring millions and becoming the official anthem of 2025.
1️⃣3️⃣💍 Elon Musk introduces the Neuralink Dating App: “MindMates” promises to match users based on brainwave compatibility. In the ultimate beta test, Musk uses it on himself and is later spotted in Vegas marrying… himself.
1️⃣4️⃣🛠️ H1-B is replaced by AI-A.
1️⃣5️⃣📊 Accused of shifting OpenAI from non-profit to for-profit, Sam Altman argues in court, "We're still non-profit because raising billions from investors isn’t technically profit."
1️⃣6️⃣🌟 Love, Peace, Empathy, Honesty, and Integrity becoming everyone's guiding light, not a prediction just wishful thinking.
Wishing everyone a wonderful #2025 full of peace, happiness and Hülle und Fülle.
✌🏼&💙
Derek
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